Gift Certificates

Time and Place: One fine evening at the round table of Prof. BeerBarrel. I’ve just been joined by Madison (she already has a beer). She’s in her early 20’s but just started college because she worked a few years to save up some money. She’s medium tall, blonde, slender, and easily excitable.

Note: Have you ever noticed that whenever some important meeting occurs, they sit at the “round table”, even if it’s oval or some other shape? I guess that it goes back to King Arthur and his knights, making it sound impressive. I mean, if there had been a total of twelve of them, each with his own side, we’d have to say “King Arthur and the Knights of the dodecagonal table” which just doesn’t instill a sense of awe and solemnity. I’ll stick with round table even though the table that I’m at isn’t round.

Prof. (To Madison as she approaches) So, what brings you out this Monday evening?

Madison. It’s Saturday, and I’ve been doing my Christmas shopping.

Prof. Mind if I ask what you bought?

Madison. No, not at all. I really don’t know what to buy anymore, so I settled on gift cards. At least it’s not cash, I mean, you know, cash seems so, so… impersonal.

Prof. Wait a minute! I want you to think about this for a moment. If cash is impersonal, as you said, what are we to make of gift cards? Not only are you giving a set amount of money, like cash, but you’re forcing them to spend it at a specific location whether they like it or not!

Madison. It’s just that I want to buy them something, but I don’t know what. I mean, you don’t go somewhere and buy a $50.00 bill, do you?

Prof. Sure I do. I go to the bank and buy as many bills in whatever denomination I choose. However, there is one situation in which I feel that a gift card is the better choice.

Madison. What’s that?

Prof. OK, let’s imagine that I really want to buy dinner for you and your boyfriend at this one favorite restaurant of mine. Now, if I give you cash, you may or may not go there; so that would force me to have the two of you join me, with me footing the bill! I mean, I’d be at the table with the two of you. Can you visualize what I’m saying?

Madison. I’m afraid I can.

Prof. But, with the gift card, I can give all the money needed, you have to try the place in order to use it, and the two of you are all alone at the table. Now how’s that?

Madison. That sounds great! It would be so much nicer without…….I mean with just him and me.

Prof. Exactly!

Prof. Oh, before I forget. A few minutes ago you said that you just don’t know what to buy, right?

Madison. Yea.

Prof. Well, that means that they already have all of the stuff that you, or anybody else can think of. Yet, these same people are always griping about how expensive everything is. How can it be expensive if they have everything that they want?

Madison. You know, what you’re saying is true, it’s just that I had never given it much thought

before.

Prof. People have so much crap, I mean stuff, that there is no room in the basement or attic to put it all. Some even have to park their cars on the driveway ‘cause the garage is full of all of this so-called expensive stuff. On top of that, there are these storage units popping up all over the place so that people can buy even more stuff that they have no room for. It just doesn’t make any sense. I mean, when I was a kid, buying things for my brothers and me was no problem because there was so much that we didn’t have. Nowadays it seems that everybody has everything and we’re complaining about the price. I just don’t understand it!

Madison. Well, I’ve got to get going, so may I have the honor?

Prof. What?

Madison. You know.

Prof. Oh, be my guest.

Madison. It’s something to think about.